Boys and Girls
by Kloudy Reignfall
Summary: Satoshi's father wants him to be normal and get married, but he's got his eyes set on someone other than the beautiful blond American his dad has chosen for him. Shounen ai, multiple POVs, generally crazy and senseless.
1. Of fathers, doctors, and crazy Americans

Boys and Girls

by Kloudy Reignfall

Okay. So I was just sitting here at my computer one day, bored out of my mind and listening to my beloved CD player and the song "Boys and Girls" by GC came on. And the funniest little scene popped into my head. And it inspired this strange little fic. So, here you go!

Disclaimers: I don't own DNAngel obviously, but I do own this fic. I don't own the song Boys and Girls, or the band GC, but I do own the cd. I do not have anything against gay people (actually i love them!), blondes (I am one), Americans (again, I am one), people who eat McDonalds (also me), people named Heather, optometrists, father figures, glasses, contacts, dyed hair, airports, or small messy apartments. (Just so we know.)

Educated, with money.  
_He's well-dressed, not funny._  
_And not much to say in most conversations,_  
_But he'll put the bill in all situations,_  
_Cuz he pays for everything._  
_Girls don't like boys girls like cars and money!_  
_Boys will laugh at girls when they're not funny!_  
_Paper or plastic, don't matter, she'll have it._  
_Vacations or shopping sprees, these are a few of her favorite things._  
_She'll get what she wants if she's willing to please._  
_::I forgot what goes here::_  
_And these girls like these boys like these boys like these girls.  
The girls with the bodies like boys with Ferraris._  
_Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money._

Boys and Girls - a fanfiction

**__**

Chapter 1

(Satoshi POV)

Why do I have to get married?! WHY?!

I know why. Because my damned 'father' says so!

And because of society.

"Satoshi, it's unnatural for a successful young man like yourself not to get married once he's old enough."

"Uh, yeah. Well, I don't care."

"Damn it, Satoshi! You're getting married whether you like it or not! I will not have you walking around in our society, doing as you please!"

"Grr."

"... Did you just growl at me?"

"No, no. Never."

"Okay, but as I was saying, you will get married!"

"Sure, okay, whatever you say." I walked away and proceeded to buy that dart-board I'd thought of purchasing so much lately.

* * *

The next day, my 'dad' comes up to me while I'm setting up my beloved dart-board. 

"Satoshi, I've found someone."

"Really?" I asked. "That's great dad. You've been alone for a long time. I always thought you needed a woman friend."

"No, I mean for you! I've finally found you a suitable wife."

"...Finally? You've only been searching for a day. Anyway, I told you I'm not getting married."

Daddy put on his angry face. "And why not?! Give me one good reason why you shouldn't marry this girl!"

"Well, for one thing, I've never met her..." That wasn't the real reason of course, but I'll be damned if I was going to admit to my 'father' the actual reason.

He didn't care for my excuse. "That'll soon be fixed. She's flying here already."

"Flying?" I asked. "Now, I don't want to marry any mutant freaks. You know wings are a big turn-off for me." Hmm... That wasn't exactly true, but hey, he didn't know it.

He smacked me upside the head knocking my glasses off. "Smart-ass! You know what I mean! Well, the girl is getting in tomorrow at 9:30 PM, so you had better clean your apartment up." He began to walk away, but turned back to me mid-stride. "And I don't like those glasses. You look like a freak. We should get you some contacts."

He walked out and slammed the door behind him, just in time for a dart to miss his head.

"I _like_ my glasses, _thank _you very much!"

* * *

But it didn't really matter, because my 'father' controls my life. So I was at the optometrist with him the next day. 

The doctor shined that stupid light into my eyes and smiled idiotically. "You've got some really beautiful eyes," he told me.

My dad didn't like that. "Hey, hey, none of that! He's taken!"

"Oh, really?" The doctor guy said, like he didn't really care.

"Yes, really. He's getting married next week." Damn, he must be pretty proud. I hadn't heard him talk to this many strangers since the day he won that dumb award for 'Most successful man under the age of thirty' that he won a few years ago.

"Well, congratulations," the doctor said to me. "You must be so excited."

"Not really." I told the doc. "I'd rather marry _you_."

He finished the prescription, and handed 'father' the bag with my contacts in it. Before we left, doc pulled me aside and handed me a slip of paper.

"Call me sometime, okay?" he said with a wink.

I tried not to show my disgust.

* * *

I don't like airports. They're gross. A bunch of gross sweaty random unsanitary people walk through it all day. And they're crowded. And you can never never never find the person you're looking for. 

I guess it didn't help that I didn't know what she looked like. So I just stood there with my hands in my pockets, staring at the crowds of passers-by and being yelled at by my dad, about something. I dunno, I wasn't listening. I was thinking about how weird it was going to be having someone else living in my house, and wondering how I could get her to leave.

Then, out of nowhere, this girl comes up to us, and she just stands there looking at us.

I blink.

She blinks.

My 'father' stares.

Then she speaks.

"Are you mister Hiwatari?"

"Yes I am. How do you do?" He shakes her hand. "This is my son Satoshi."

I don't want to touch her, so I put my hands back in my pockets and nod to her.

My 'dad' is talking to me now. "This is Heather. She's from America."

I blink. We start to walk through the hoards of gross people, me walking behind Heather and Father, who seem to be deep in conversation with each other in English. I look at her.

She's tall. She has long straight blonde hair, and green eyes. She is tan and wearing a small, tight outfit. She's... a girl. And she's all wrong!

Ugh. At least she can speak Japanese. I don't know how I'd get her to leave otherwise.

Dad took us both back to my apartment and dropped us off, speeding away like the idiot he is.

I turned to Heather. "You don't want to marry me."

She cocked her head, like a bird, only without wings. "And why not?" she asked.

"Because. I'm the devil," I said randomly.

"Okay," she says.

"I eat people," I tell her.

"Oh well," she says.

"I'm allergic to blondes," I say, getting exasperated.

She looks at me. "Is that your _real_ hair color?"

I sigh, shake my head, say, "I'm going to kill you if you don't go away."

"No you won't." ...Does nothing phase this girl?

I go in my house and slam the door in her face. Seconds later I find her in my bedroom.

"How did you get in here?" I ask, paranoid.

"Climbed through the window," she says.

Damn Americans. Are they on crack or what?

I sigh, annoyed, and then proceed to my bed, where I lay down and hope she will go away.

Sadly, I find her next to me, attempting to cuddle and blocking my path of escape. I roll over and try to go to sleep, but she drapes an arm around me.

'Go to sleep,' I tell myself. 'Ignore her. Think of someone else. It's not her, it's someone else.'

I think that a small person with red hair is cuddled against me. And soon I fall into dreamland.

* * *

But, all too soon, I wake up. Look over. Remember yesterday. Remember my dream. Scream into my pillow. 

I hate real life.

Heather is not yet awake, thank god. I hope she has died in her sleep, but I see her breathing. She's still alive. Damn.

I slowly, very slowly, get up and go into the kitchen. I want to make breakfast, but I come to the conclusion that if I make no noise, annoying blonde girl might sleep forever!

I smile. My thoughts drift. I resolve to later make a much desired phone call.

I fall asleep contemplating the possible future.

* * *

And then, when I wake up again, the girl is sitting on top of me. In an odd way. You know, with her legs all spread apart and stuff. Um...straddling. Yeah, that's the word. 

She was straddling me.

It made me really uncomfortable, having some semi-random girl straddling me. Only one person...well, two people... have done that to me before, and only one person...yes, only one... is allowed to do so.

I make a mistake in telling her so.

"Aww! What, you have a girlfriend?" She smiles cutely. It's annoying.

"Grr."

"Did you just growl at me?"

"What? No, never."

She persists. "What is she like?" she asks, feigning friendly conversation. I think... maybe this girl would be ok... well, if I didn't have to marry her. Damn about that.

But still, the question angers me. "I don't have a girlfriend." I tell her firmly. "Nor do I have a fiancé." I shove at her, but she is heavier than she looks. Damn Americans. It must be all the McDonalds they eat.

She looks at, like she's considering something. The look on her face is...ugh... cute. But only because it reminds me of someone else, who also frequently wears that look.

I decide to talk to her. Maybe if I can distract her I can muster all my strength and push her off of me.

"Why do you want to marry me anyway?"

She smiles. Geez, is this girl just too stupid to do anything else? "Well, your dad said that if I married you I would have a really nice life! See, he's going to pay for all sorts of stuff for me! Vacations and shopping sprees, and cars and money! And anyway, he said that we don't really have to be together that much. So I guess you can go off with your girlfriend or something as long as you don't get her pregnant."

"I told you I don't have a girlfriend," I say to her. But still, a thought comes to my mind. I can just see it: the both of us living in a huge mansion, and me slipping her a thousand dollar bill so she can go do whatever the hell she wants I can go off with my redhead...

I must have been blushing or something because the stupid blonde girl (Um Heather, wasn't it?) giggles and gets off me to go sit down on the other couch.

"You must be in love, what with that look on your face! Teehee! You're kind of cute. Whoever the girl is, she's lucky!"

Mindlessly, I say: "I don't love a girl! I love..." and then I catch myself. Sadly, the Heather girl is not as stupid as I thought she was.

"Gasp! Awwww! You're gay?! How cute!" She squeals. It hurts my ears but I can't help smiling anyway and the thought that someone actually supports my...as of yet non-existent possible relationship with a guy.

I smile widely. "So, does this mean you're not going to marry me?"

She keeps smiling. "No, I'm still going to marry you! Who in their right mind would pass up the opportunity for so much money?"

::Facepalm::

Damn.

_**End Chapter 1**_

To be continued! Hehehe ah, I amuse myself! But that's a good thing right? Well, anyway, this wasn't really meant to be a serious story, it was just something I wrote in my spare time when I was bored. I'll write the next piece some time when I'm bored again, and that will probably be the end of it, but hey, who knows?

Well, I'm glad if you like it, and if not, well sorry. But either way I'd love for you to leave a review!

-Kloudy Reignfall, your favorite sugar-deprived author! j/k


	2. Of manga, newscasters, and explanations

Chapter 2

**Boys and Girls** - By Kloudy Reignfall

Warning: Story may contain the following: Shounen-ai, ugly people, peanuts, vague (or not so vague) references to Gravitation, OOC-ness of many people, idiots, cross dressing, vampirism, sex lessons, and much more!

Disclaimer: I don't own a damned thing. I do not own DNAngel, Gravitation, or anything else that might be of any value whatsoever. Damn. :Sob:

Warning #2: I don't really know how funny or interesting this is going to be, I just wrote it on a whim. Usually the first chapters are better for me, but hey, I thought I'd try my luck at continuing it, since the other one amused me so.

Warning #3: It's still rated PG-13 (although I think that's a stupid name for a rating. Ha, like a person under 13 who wants to read this is really going to have their mom sit by and read it with them. Hahaha!) but there's a little bit of sex talk toward the end. If you think I should change it to R, please tell me.

Reviews are praised, flames are accepted (laughed at, chewed up, and flushed down the toilet teehee! Ah the memories), and emails or what have you are great too. Lalala, on with the show!

**_Chapter 2_**

(Daisuke's house) Daisuke POV

I was just sitting in my room, minding my own business and being OOC.

My colored-pencils were spilled all over the desk and most of them were falling on the floor but I didn't care. I was only using the blue and red anyway, pouring intently over my manga and scribbling between the inked lines.

"La de da," I sang as I happily colored Yuki's hair blue, totally not acting like myself.

I was picking up the red pencil and starting on Shuichi when my mom knocked.

"Uh, um, hold on a minute!" I stared at page 125 a minute longer, trying to ingrain the image of the sexy bi-shounen in a lip lock.

But my mom doesn't care about privacy (note to self - lock door when showering.) and she just walked in like she owned the place! Parents these days, I tell ya.

She looked down at my work of art. Wrinkled her face in confusion. "…Since when does Yuki have blue hair? (And why do I know anything about manga?)"

I sit on the book. "He…he, um, got a dye job…!"

Blink.

"…Okay…" She rolls her eyes. "Anyway, Dai, sweetie, the phone is for you."

"Who is it?"

Mom shrugs. "I don't know. I didn't ask. I don't like to be nosy." She hands the phone to me.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Daisuke. It's Satoshi."

Oh my God! It's him! He's calling me:Squeals like a Fan-girl:

I try to stay calm. Whew. Breathe, Daisuke, breath. :Deep breathe: "Hi, Satoshi." Whew, I did it!

Satoshi talked some more. "Anyway, I called because…" He couldn't seem to get it out. :Sigh: As sexy as Satoshi was, he could be so slow sometimes!

…You didn't hear me say that.

He finally found the words. "I…I have something that I need to tell you."

"I'm listening." Boy, was I listening. God, I could talk to Sato-kun for hours on end! His voice was like heaven.

…You didn't hear me say that.

"Well…I…I have to tell you…to tell you that…"

Get on with it, Sato! I hope he didn't think being sexy would make me forgive him for being so OOC and taking my role as stuttering idiot!

"Well, Dai-chan, I'm getting ma-"

:Beep:

Hey, that's the other line. "Hang on, Sato. I have another call!"

I switched the line over to find that it was my best friend, Takeshi.

"Hey, Dai," he said casually. "I'm bored. Want to go to the mall?"

"Yeah, sure. I've been dying to get out of the house!"

"Okay," said the voice on the other side. "See ya soon!"

I switched it back to Satoshi's line, but it just beeped at me, the stupid thing. He must have hung up. So I changed and went to wait for Takeshi.

* * *

(Back at Satoshi's place.) 

Heather: Finds Satoshi huddled in the closet.: "Hey, Sexy! What are you doing in there? Talking on the phone?" :Grabs phone and hangs up, causing Satoshi to well up with tears.:

Satoshi: Sniff: "What did you do that for! I was having a very important conversation!" _Yeah, so important that he put me on hold. :Sob:_

Heather: "Oh, gee. I'm _so-o-o-o-o _sorry!" ß Sense the sarcasm. "Just come out of the closet already!"

Satoshi: Starts wailing.: "I already told you I'm gay! Stop making fun of me, blondee!"

Heather: Stares stupidly.: "I meant 'come out of the closet' like 'stop hiding behind the coats and come out here like a civilized person'!" :Stops for a minute. Thinks.: (ß It looks painful.) "And, I represent that remark!" she says indignantly.

Satoshi: Raises his eyebrows as he steps into his room.: "Don't you mean you _resent_ that remark?"

Heather: … "Hey! I'm blonde, not stupid!"

Satoshi: Makes a face.:

Heather: "Anyway, we have our wedding to get ready for, remember?"

Satoshi: Blinks, eyes wide: "What! When?"

Heather: "Today, silly! Don't you remember? We're getting married tonight at the Azumano chapel!"

Satoshi: Faints.:

* * *

(At the mall with Daisuke and Takeshi) Takeshi POV 

"Ooh, this is pretty!" My redheaded friend was staring wide-eyed at a shiny diamond ring.

I sighed. "I swear, sometimes you are just like a raccoon. Or like Dark."

He wasn't listening to me though. "Ooh, shiny…"

I took him by the collar and dragged him away from the expensive jewelry. "C'mon. You'll never be able to afford that, dork."

"I know," he said, "but maybe I could…" His eyes wandered away from me, but instead of looking at his shiny precious, he looked to the big-screen TV hanging in the mall food court.

The reporter on it was standing outside a huge chapel amid a crowd of excited people.

"I'm standing here outside the Azumano Chapel, where we are about to witness the most anticipated marriage of the month! Satoshi Hiwatari, one of Japan's favorite Bi-Shounen, second only to the infamous Dark Mousy, is about to be joined in holy matrimony with Heather Smith, a beautiful blonde from America. (She is a Virgo, and likes walks on the beach after a candle-lit dinner!) As you can see, many fans are very excited! Let's talk to some of them!"

The reporter held a microphone up to a group of rabid fan girls. "OMG!" One of them screamed. "I can't believe he's getting married! That's, like, so-o-o-o-o OOC of him! And I'm a boppy fan girl. I can't even tell if I'm happy or angry!" The girl began to cry loudly. The reporter rolled her eyes and backed away slowly. "Right, so let's find someone else to talk to." She pushed through the crowd to look for others.

But then Dai turned away. He had a shocked and/or hurt look on his face. And, um, then he fainted.

Ouch! That had to hurt! He landed his head on the sharp edge of one of those random, pointless pillars that are all over the food court. He regained consciousness as soon as bone and concrete made contact and screamed loudly in pain as his hair turned sticky with blood. (Although you could hardly tell since it was all the same color. There are uses for such strange colored hair!)

I looked at Daisuke while he sniffled. "Want me to kiss it better?" I asked. He nodded, his lower lip trembling. I pecked him on top of the head and licked some of the sweet blood from the crimson strands. It was intoxicating, and the liquidy substance tasted slightly of copper. I breathed it in, craving the… what? Oh, sorry. Got a little carried away there. :Erhem:

So, then Daisuke started to cry, not being really OOC anymore, since this is totally something he would really do. I tried to ask him what was the matter, but he just jabbed his finger up at the big screen. I looked and found it still on the news channel about the Hiwatari wedding. At the moment, the news reporter was talking to some older guy, the kind that looked like those internet perverts you always hear about.

"Yeah, I know the groom," he was saying, but not looking too pleased. "And I can't let him do this! It is the mistake of his life!"

"Yeah?" asked the reporter. "And why is that?"

"Because he and I were destined to be together!"

At this, Daisuke started balling again.

I looked at the screen once again, and this time the reporter lady was talking to the camera. "There's been a rumor going around that Satoshi Hiwatari does indeed have another lover. Of course the rumor was started by his fiancé so we don't know if what we heard was the truth, or perhaps just the outcome of a lover's spat."

I turned to Daisuke yet again, puzzled. His eyes were all big and watery, like the crazy fangirls you see in anime. "What's wrong, Dai?" I asked him.

He gaped at me wordlessly, making funny gestures, like he wanted to play charades. He pointed to the TV again.

"TV?" I asked. He shook his head. "The news?" Shake head. "Weddings?" Nope. "Hiwatari?" He nodded fervently then pointed at himself. "You?" He nodded. "You, you what? You _are_ Hiwatari?" No! "You wanna marry his fiancé?" No, no, definitely no! Then he squinted at me through a little heart shape made with his hands, then covered his face shyly, peeking out from between his fingers.

"Oh, I got it! You're Satoshi Hiwatari's secret lover! Yay for me, I figured it out!" Wow, I felt so smart. Daisuke nodded timidly. And then I remembered what I felt so smart for figuring out. "Whoa, you're gay! That's like, weird! Oh my god, you could have raped me so many times!"

Daisuke shook his head at me. "No, I wouldn't do that. I'm the uke."

I raised my eyebrows at him. What the hell was he talking about?

He was mad at my ignorance on the subject. "You mean you live in a wanna-be shounen-ai manga, and you don't even know the terms!" Suddenly he was in a teacher's hat and robes, pointing with a stick at chart that hung in midair. A rather graphic chart. I didn't think I should be looking at it, but at the same time it intrigued me.

"It's okay, you can look," Daisuke told me, matter-of-factly. "It's normal to be curious about such things!" So I sat at the little school desk in front of me while he gave the lesson.

"This-" he said, pointing at the chart in general, "What do you think this is?"

"Um, I think it's something that should be done in the privacy of your own home, unless you're both really hot."

He shook his head. Oops, wrong answer. "This is a chart of two guys. What are they doing, Takeshi?"

"Um… Wrestling?"

"No! They are having xxx, Takeshi!"

"Oooh!" I took out my Hello-Kitty binder and started to take notes.

Daisuke then pointed to the man… um, on top. "_This_ is called the Seme. What the Seme does, is he takes his xxxx and puts it in the other man's xxxx."

"Oh, I get it now!" Yeah, it was all starting to make sense.

"And this," he pointed at the man on the bottom, "is the Uke. He's usually the more girly one in the relationship, and is usually shy or submissive. See, I'm an Uke so you don't have to worry about me trying anything with you."

"Okay!" I was feeling a little better about it now that I was informed. But I had another question. "But Sensei, how do you, ya know, _get yours_?"

I think he was about to go into detail about how gratifying it actually was to be the uke, but he kept to a simple answer. "Well, usually at the beginning, he xxxxx and xxxxx my xxxx, or just xxxxx with it until I xxxx. Sometimes he waits until the middle or the end, but that's really mean."

"Oh, alright. But one more question: Why does it bleep out your naughty words, but not mine?"

He cocked his head to the side. "Oh, it doesn't?"

I shook my head knowingly. "Nope. Look: Sex. Sex, sex, sex. Nothin'."

Daisuke shrugged. "Gee, I dunno."

We both stood there thinking for a moment. (The chart, desk, and teacher's robes/ hat had all disappeared.) Then Daisuke gasped.

"Oh my god! Satoshi's getting married! I have to stop him!"

"You're right, let's go!" I said, being uncharacteristically concerned for my uncharacteristically gay best friend's uncharacteristic relationship. And with that, we ran off into the sunset.

Actually we ran off toward the mall exit, almost got caught by the pudgy mall security, managed to escape, and hailed a cab to take us to Azumano Chapel.

**__**

End Chapter 2

To be continued! (Probably)

By the way, sorry for all of you who liked Heather since she's hardly in here at all.

Ah, wow the end. I actually finished it. Which I think it pretty good since I wasn't spending any real time. So, by the way, thank you so-o-o-o-o much to all my reviewers! (Although it was kind of depressing that my piece-of-crap random dnangel fic gets more reviews than the ones I actually try to work on to make good. But, hey that's life, isn't it?) I will love you forever in a non-creepy way if you guys all review!

I'm so sorry if I can't update for a long while. I am just so busy with school and life and adjusting to stuff. (And my other stories.)

PS: Shameless Advertising: Feel free to read any of my other pieces of crap (aka stories) if you'd like. :hint hint:

PPS: I hate this site for not letting us use asterisks! I want my little stars!


	3. Of having not yet gotten to the point

Chapter3

**Boys and Girls **- by Kloudy Reignfall

Warning: Story may contain the following: Shounen-ai, pedophilia, ugly people, peanuts, stupid references to other random things, OOC-ness of many people, homophobic cabbies, suicidal people, idiots, and much more! (I believe I mentioned these before, but sadly not all of them worked their way into the story in chapter two…)

Disclaimer: Gods, I hate these. Who the hell really thinks I own DNAngel?

Other stuffs: Sorry I took so long to update. I haven't set myself to a real schedule for this story. It would be useless anyway, because I'd just get lazy and say "Ah, fuck it." Lol. So I guess I just end up writing this when I'm in the mood. ...Not like that, you perverts! lol

**__**

Chapter 3

Satoshi POV

I cannot believe that I'm standing here right now. Now understand that when I say, "I cannot believe" I mean this in a bad way. A very bad way. Because, you know where I'm standing right now?

A church.

It's not that I'm not religious. …Wait. I'm not. Never mind. But that's not the point. The point is that the church I'm standing in isn't just one of those cute little places you go on Sunday to hear the sermons. It's a chapel. Azumano Chapel. And do you know what happens to Bi-shounen in chapels?

They get married.

I do not want to get married. At least, not to Heather. Ah, that girl is Satan Reincarnate! Crazy American blonde girls just do not do it for me. No, not at all. But it seems I don't have a choice in the matter. In less than a week (hell, it must have been less than a couple days!) my manipulative 'father' arranged for me to get hitched.

He wants me to get married!

Wedded!

Walk down the aisle!

Tie the knot!

Say "I do!"

Do you get the point?!

I think I'm going to have some sort of spastic attack, or possibly spontaneously combust. Yes, I can feel it already. I'm hyperventilating. Oh no. There has _got_ to be a way out of this! There's got to be something I can do. Something to…to…to…

…Pretty white light…

Ouch! _Painful_ white light!

Heather POV

"Satoshy baby!!! Where'd you go?"

I walked into my future husband's dressing room, wondering where he might have gone. I wasn't paying much attention though. I was just thinking about how much fun this was going to be! I was getting married! Soon I'd be Heather Hiwatari! Isn't that just the most awesome name?!

Well I walked in and I didn't see him, but for some reason I looked down and Oh My God, there he was! Just lying on the floor!

"Satoshi? Are you taking a nap, sweetie?"

He didn't answer me. I figured he must have been asleep. So I left him there and went out into the hallway. Oh, look! A cute boy! Let's go follow him!  
  
Satoshi POV

I remember seeing this movie once. It was about some person dying or something and there was this stupid little kid, and they kept going, "Don't go towards the light!"

Yeah, that movie was really stupid.

Anyway, so here I am, and there's this really pretty, really searing hot white light in front of me. …Let's go touch it!

I approached the light, but as soon as I got close enough to touch it, it went out. And suddenly I was lying on the cold tile floor of a church. Well, now isn't this nice?

I was being sarcastic of course.

Quickly I remembered why I was there.

Shit.

I pulled myself up off the floor and thought quickly for a way to get out of this horrible situation. The sun was going down way too fast for my liking. We were supposed to start the ceremony at sundown.

Currently the sun was just starting to dip into the mountains, casting a red glow around the town. It was really pretty. Reminded me of a certain red-headed beauty I knew.

But soon the sun would be gone and so would my chance to be with Daisuke.

Heh, did I just say Daisuke? Um, that's not what I meant! I don't know where that name came from! 'Cuz, I'm totally not gay or anything… Yeah, um…

As sucky as this whole thing was, I just decided to give up and resign myself to a life of torture and enduring that idiotic blonde glomping me for the rest of my life.

I could always kill myself later.

Hm, then maybe I could find out what was beyond that pretty white light… ::sigh::

Krad POV  
  
Damn, what is up with this kid? He really has mental issues. For one thing, he's _always_ talking to himself. And he's always in denial, trying desperately to convince himself he's not gay. I swear, he's pissing me off. I wish he would just get over it and shag the Niwa already! I'm getting bored in here all by myself! I miss Dark!  
  
In the taxi (Daisuke POV)

Argh! Won't it go any faster?!  
"Hey, mister! Hurry it up or I'll have to open up a can of whoop ass!"

Did I really just say that? Wow, talk about OOC.  
"Hey, I'm sorry sir," Takeshi says. "Please understand. My little friend here is just worried because his lover-boy is getting married. So don't get us into a crash or anything, ok?"

And suddenly the old man in the front seat turned around, (completely taking his eyes off the road, might I add) and gives me the evilest look! Wow, that is the most amusing thing I have ever seen! Hahaha! He looks like a toad!

Heh, ok so it's not so amusing now that he's pulling over to the side of the road… He's getting out now. Looks like he's taking something out of his pocket. Holy shit, is that a gun? Whoa! Down boy!!!

The crazy old toad man is muttering something now… and I am getting the Hell out of this car!

"Must kill homosexuals… must kill…"

Man, I was out of that car in a flash, Takeshi trailing behind me.

Once we are a relatively safe distance from the homicidal maniac I collapse on the sidewalk.

"Well that was fun," I say, sarcastic for the most part. But it was sort of interesting. I've never been attacked for being gay before! Now I can take that off my list of things I have to experience before I die. But there are still others to be taken care of, like "Marry Satoshi Hiwatari at Azumano Chapel".

Holy Crap! Satoshi's getting married! I have to go stop him!

So I turned to Takeshi and grabbed his hand, trying to run off in the direction of the church. I could see its huge giant enormous cross from here. But that's not saying much since it was so huge giant enormous. Really, it was like bigger than the Woodstock First Baptist Church! And that thing was big! Have you ever seen it? Just the handicap parking lot takes up more space than my whole school!

But for some reason Takeshi hit my hand away.

"Look, you're cool and everything, but don't hold my hand."

I looked at him inquiringly, with this pathetic look on my face that I'd learned from my rabbit.

He explained. "Well, you've got uke cooties!"

"Oh, ok!" I said. So long as he didn't hate me.

So I grabbed the front of his T-shirt and ran off toward the giant cross. (I didn't really want to get another cab. It may have been an interesting experience, but I didn't really want to repeat it. It'd take too much time and I might miss the ceremony! That would be kind of bad, since Satoshi would be all married and stuff. 'Cuz if he's married then I can't marry him. And then I couldn't do all the things on my list. And that's not cool!)

Dark POV

Wow. I think Daisuke is on drugs. Don't you think so? Really, was he just like a total crack-baby or something? Or maybe they dropped him on his head when he was little.

I don't know what it is, but he's just really not too smart… Oh well. As long as he makes it to the chapel on time then it'll be ok. At least he's a fast runner.

I still have hope.

Takeshi POV  
  
Daisuke is tapping his foot impatiently. It's rather annoying.

… He's still doing it.  
"Dude, will you stop doing that?!"

He looks up at me with a murderous look in his eyes. Wow! I never knew someone so short could look so menacing!

He doesn't stop tapping his foot. Actually the tapping gets faster and more irritated.

Right now we're trying to get through a huge-ass crowd in front of the chapel. Why in the hell are there so many people here?! I guess it's because nothing ever happens here except for the occasional appearance of a phantom thief or two. They must all be bored or something. 'Cuz I'm pretty sure they're not all here to confess their love to Satoshi "Look-at-me,-I'm-so-Bishounen" Hiwatari! Well, they might be. He's got so many fangirls! _And_ fanboys! They all swoon when he comes around and fawn over him like he's the neatest thing since sliced bread! He's so lucky! And I'm definitely not bitter or anything!

I start to tap my foot mindlessly.  
"Dammit Takeshi! Would you stop that?!" Geez, Daisuke is a testy little fucker today, isn't he? I guess I would be though too if I was in his position. His lover's getting married to a girl. How sad.  
…I want a lover. I'm so alone. Nobody ever likes me. Have you noticed that? It's always Daisuke they like. I mean, I can see why. He's just so adorable and uke, and he makes me want to touch him and make him mine. But I can't do that. I'd get uke cooties on me! And it's probably contagious! Ewwy. I don't wanna be an uke!  
Wait! A thought just occurred to me! If I'm never going to touch and uke… then how am I ever going to-!? Ack! I'm going to _have_ to touch one sooner or later or be a virgin for the rest of my life! ::gasp!:: Just the thought of it makes me crazy!

I turn towards Daisuke who is standing on his tip-toes, trying in vain to see over the heads of all the people in front of us. I poke him to get his attention and he turns to me.

"Daisuke," I say. "I changed my mind, you can touch me all you want."

He blinks. "That's great, Takeshi. You know I'm taken, right?"

My lower lip quivers. "Yes…" I say as I try to hold in a sniffle. ::Sigh:: That's fine. There are other fish in the sea.

Daisuke has gone back to scanning the crowd. Suddenly he lets out a big sigh of exasperation. "What are we going to do about this huge crowd? It's enormous! There's no way we're going to be able to get through in time for us to stop the wedding!!!"

I think very hard for a minute, stroking my chin in a Sherlock Holmes type manner. Then I say, "By Georgia, I've got it!"

Clearing my throat and taking a deep breath, I stand up as tall as I can and shout very loudly while pointing off into the distance far away from the church, "Look, a distraction!"

At least half the crowd turns their head and begins to walk mindlessly in that direction, leaving a wide open space for us to get through. And so, with most of the raving fangirls gone we walk through the gate and up the steps to the doors of the chapel.

As an afterthought: God, I love fangirls. They're so stupid!

Daisuke POV

I can't believe I made it. I made it! This is it! This is the chapel! Behind these doors lies the rest of my life.

Wow, that's like mind-blowing.

I stood there staring at the great wooden doors for several minutes. They were very pretty I noticed. All dark oak and gold inlaid. "Very nice doors," I said.  
"Daisuke! Are you ever going to _open _the very nice doors?!"

Geez, Takeshi's being a bit testy today, isn't he? Well I guess I can forgive him since he's going through some hard stuff right now. It sucks not having a boyfriend. Anyway, I oblige him, nod and dramatically push through the heavy doors that are the only barrier between me and my eternal love. (Okay, well there was my eternal love's fiancé to deal with too, but we'll burn that bridge when we get to it.)

**__**

End Chapter 3

Ooh, cliff hangers! Lol, well kinda. I was going to write more, but then I realized that this chapter was already longer than both the others. So I'll leave the rest of it for the next chapter. I'm actually thinking about having two more chapters, and after that I don't know. Chapter five should wrap it up nicely, but then again, I don't much care at the moment. It's a bit early for that, eh? And I haven't even written the next chapters yet. Okay, so I wrote a lovely little scene at the beginning of chapter 5, but that was really rather random. (Ooh, alliteration!)

Don't forget to review if you want me to stop being lazy and write more! And also, you could be a dear and go read my other wonderful lovely stories! (Hahaha, yeah, wonderful and lovely. Hahaha! I crack myself up!)


	4. Chapter title goes here AKA Chapter Four

**Boys and Girls** - by Kloudy Reignfall

AKA The most OOC story in the history of mankind

Warning! May contain shounen-ai! And if not, I clearly cannot write worth beans!

Disclaimer: If you think I own DNAngel, please share some of your crack, because I'd like to think that too.

Stuff: Wow, I haven't update for exactly A YEAR! That is INSANE! I'm so sorry… Well, here it is anyway. The last half was cranked out in the last few minutes, so please forgive any mistakes, but feel free to point them out.

__

**Chapter 4**

(Satoshi POV)

She's _grinning._ I really don't know how she can be grinning at a time like this. Doesn't she see that we're both about to make the biggest mistake of our lives!

Oh yeah, she _wants_ to get married, doesn't she?

:sigh: This is so depressing. I think at this point there's really nothing I can do to get out of this, not that there was any way to avoid it in the first place, short of hitting my dad in the head with a dart that first day. Wait, that's a great idea!

":gasp: Does anybody know how to make a time machine!" I ask the crowd suddenly.

The priest-dude looks at me menacingly. "Shut the hell up, you goddamn kid! I'm not done reading!"

:pout: Well there goes _that_ idea! And I really thought it was a good one too.

So now the priest-guy is talking to Heather. "Blah, blah, blah, as long as you both shall live?"

The idiot girl smiles all innocent-like and says in a sickeningly sweet voice, "Yes, I do." Wow, that was almost believable. How scary.

Now the priest-man is talking to me, but I'm not hearing him. I know what he wants me to say after he's done babbling. Maybe there's a way I can get out of it. I look to my dad at that moment. …He's holding what looks to be a tazer. Somehow I don't think saying no is an option… But neither is saying yes:dramatic soap-opera sob:

"Blah, blah, blah, as long as you both shall live?" OMG he's asking me! What do I do! It's getting hot in here and I can't breathe and I… I…-

(Daisuke POV)

Okay, I'll open the doors on the count of three! One, Two, …fuck, I can't do it! I'm just too nervous!

"Wah! What if he doesn't love me! What if he actually _wants_ to get married to that skanky blonde American McDonalds-eating crack-consuming bitch-ass whorey _girl!_ :sob:"

Takeshi raises his eyebrows at me. "Wait, what are you talking about? I thought you guys have already had xxx! Arg, dammit with the censoring already!"  
Oh, yeah… heh, I forgot about that. Stupid inconsistencies. "Well yeah, we have had sex," I respond. "But still! What if he's changed his mind and he hates me now!"

Takeshi smiles hopefully at me. "Well then you and me can run away together and live happily ever after!"

….. That's… disturbing. "Okay," I say, deadpanned. "I'm opening the doors now."

(And this is the part where we ignore the fact that I had already opened the doors in the previous chapter. See, because I'm opening them _now_, so it doesn't really matter. Right? Of course I'm right!)

(Takeshi POV)

So, the first thing Daisuke says upon entering the chapel and seeing his lover laying lifelessly on the ground is, "Gee, I wonder what Satoshi's doing, taking a nap in the middle of big cold stone church." Sound like anyone we know?

I, however, in a stroke of random genius, realize what the real problem is. "Oh my gods, he's fainted!" So Dai and I run over to the poor unconscious blue-haired boy, who is lying there… unconscious.

"No, my poor Satoshi!" Daisuke sobs, while clinging on to the guy. "What have they done to you!"

At this point, it's fair to say that everyone in the entire chapel is confused. And they all wanted to start talking at once!

"I don't know what happened!" some blonde bride-girl tries to explain. "He just started breathing real funny, and then he fell down!"

"That's called hyperventilating, you moron!" Daisuke yelled at her. "And he _collapsed_, he didn't fall down. Damn, even _I'm_ not this stupid!" He glared at her and hugged his boy-toy closer.

Suddenly, some man, who I just happened to know was Satoshi's father, stood up and started to cause a commotion. …Not like a commotion hadn't already been caused, but hey. "Who are you?" he asked Daisuke angrily. "And what are you doing to my son? You better not be planning to molest him or something, because he's not gay, I'm telling you! He's certainly not gay! Dammit, stop looking at me, all of you!" Uh, but nobody was paying him much attention until he said that, so… yeah, stupid move.

"Yeah, who are you anyway?" Heather asked, purely curious and not really upset like Mr. Hiwatari had been. She didn't really seem to care that her fiancé had fainted. Nope.

At this point, Daisuke got a little upset, like to where he started yelling. "You're not his father!" he screamed. "You never even liked him at all! You just adopted him for reasons that I can't say because it involves our big secret which would get us both locked up in jail forever if anyone else knew, you big meanie-head!"

"_Lovely_ comeback, Dai," I told him sarcastically. Because "meanie-head" was just the _worst_ insult, ya know.

"Okay…" Mr. Hiwatari said slowly. "But who _are_ you?"

"Yeah," said Heather, feeling left out. "You're acting like a disgruntled lover. Oh, I used a big word again!"

So Daisuke sniffled quickly, and then stood up, a very defiant sort of look in his eyes. "I _am_! Disgruntled, _and_ his lover! And don't any of you ever touch my Satoshi again! Especially you!" he said, pointing at Heather.

"Hey, what'd _I_ do?" she asked innocently. "You can't blame me, I just wanted to get married!" And then she made a very convincing puppy-dog face, which could almost rival what Daisuke could do.

Mr. Hiwatari decided to cut in at this time. "You!" He yelled, pointing very rudely at Daisuke. "You're the reason my son is gay! You must have molested him, and did dirty nasty perverted things to him and made him gay!"

I laughed at this, since I now knew better, having got the talk from Daisuke not that long ago. Oh yes, I knew all about it now, and I felt so smart! I also laughed at this because I knew the reaction it would cause Daisuke to have.

Oh, and it _did_. Daisuke blinked at the angry man for a few moments. "Are you completely stupid?" he asked, rhetorically. "Is _everyone_ completely stupid! Come on people! I am the _uke_. UKE! _Learn the terms!_ I would never molest somebody, no, _I_ am the one that gets molested! I could not possibly have turned Satoshi gay. He was like that when I found him. Get with the program!" Yes, Daisuke was a little angry.

But apparently, Mr. Satoshi's Dad didn't catch on to this real well, because he angrily lunged at Daisuke! This was definitely not a good idea; in this state-of-mind, Daisuke was a scary little devil. Oh yes, and he seemed eager to show it! The red-head grappled at Mr. Hiwatari's arms, and they tumbled around on the floor in a ball of red-and-black-and-angry-all-over. Everyone kinda sat there (or stood there) watching them beat at each other. And it was pretty ferocious, but neither of them were particularly good at fighting… Nonetheless, by the time they were done having their little catfight they were both red-and-black-and-bruised-all-over.

Anyway, the only reason the two of them stopped pounding each-other's faces in was that at that moment our little blue-headed groom decided to wake up. Yay!

(POV switch: Satoshi)

I'd been having the most wonderful dream…

In this dream, my gorgeous little Daisuke had come to save me from the hell I was about to be thrown into. He had burst heroically through the chapel doors and fearlessly declared himself to be my lover! And _then_! _Then _he started beating the living _shit_ out of my dad, defending my honor and whatnot. I was so proud of him!

But I woke up again, only to find myself lying on the cold stone floor of the cathedral. I heard noises all around me, like a very confused crowd of people was trying to figure out what was going on.

And then I opened my eyes, and lo-and-behold: There was my Daisuke, beating the living shit out of my father! A blissful smile crossed my face.  
Suddenly, my life had meaning again!

As soon as I opened my eyes and sat up, the fighting stopped. They let go of each other's throats and fell to the floor, gasping for air and staring at me. Daisuke pulled himself up and ran to me, then collapsed in my arms. I snuggled my face into his neck, extremely grateful to finally be able to hold my lover for the first time in this fic.

My father was not nearly so happy to see me conscious. In fact, he frowned. Can you believe it? He _frowned_ at seeing me alive and well! It was as if he didn't care if I was dead or not!

…Wait, I already knew that.

Anyway, he frowned at me and said, "Wait! This is wrong!"

to which Daisuke responded, "Shut up, old man! Just because you're prejudiced and homophobic doesn't make us wrong!"

to which my father answered, "That's not what I mean! I mean… this can't be Satoshi! He's smiling! Satoshi doesn't _know _how smile!"

to which I responded with an indignant frown. How insulting! I do _too _know how to smile!

"That's more like it," my father said, seeing my newly un-smiling face. "_That_ could be Satoshi."

All was contentedly quiet for a moment, before people suddenly remembered that we were in the middle of a very dramatic… drama… thing. And then they all started to murmur confusedly again, which, as quiet as murmuring is, was rather loud and disrupting, owing to the fact that there were several hundred people crammed into the building and that the church walls were built of stone and therefore quite echo-y.

I could feel that Daisuke was getting tense in my arms and I prepared myself for the outburst that was likely soon to come. But to my astonishment, it didn't come. No. Instead of screaming at the noisy congregation to _just shut up for a goddam second_ like I thought he would, Daisuke calmly removed himself from my arms and stood, pulling me up along with him. Looking very composed and still quite OOC, he grabbed my wrist and led me back up the aisle and out the door into the setting sunlight.

I noticed that there was considerably less of a crowd than there had been before the ceremony. Previously, the number of fangirls crowding around the steps of the chapel was amazing. But now, every single fangirl was gone! I looked to the right and noticed in the far off distance a large group of females was marching away from us, zombie-like, and I vowed to repay whoever had convinced them to leave.

Though the fangirls were gone, there were still quite a few people gathered. Mostly reporters, it seemed. They all rushed forward at once, snapping pictures and shouting questions and attempting to block our path of escape. But Daisuke, with his newfound confidence, simply pushed through them as if they were no more substantial than air, saying firmly, "Outta my way, bitches! Disgruntled lover coming through!" And surprisingly, they backed off. Maybe it was the look in his eyes that made them quiver in fear. Maybe it was the powerful aura he emanated. Maybe they'd all finally choked on their own tongues:giggle:

Or, I thought, as I looked behind me in a sudden burst of intuition, they were _actually_ backing away from my deranged father, who was coming after us with murder in his eyes and a tazer in his hand. Yeah, that was probably it.

"Hold it right there, you gay little punk!"

Now Daisuke turned around to face my father, still holding tightly onto my wrist, and sent him a glare unlike any I'd ever seen. It was a look that quite clearly said, _I may be OOC, but I can beat your ass any day! Bring it on!_

Locking eyes with my lover, father took a deep breath and declared, "Daisuke Niwa, I challenge you to a duel!"

There was a dangerous gleam in Dai's eye. It was one I swore I'd seen before, but not in those eyes. A very _dark_ grin came to his face as he yelled out his response, loud enough for all to hear. "I accept!"

Oh, and the crowd went wild!

_**End Chapter Four**_

Right. Well I didn't really mean to end it there. To tell the truth, that whole last part just appeared out of nowhere. But this works. See, I'd originally meant for this to be the last chapter, and to wrap everything up with one of those nice little happy endings. But it didn't work out that way. Oh well. Next chapter, probably. Maybe.

Review please, because I love you?

Completely un-related subliminal messaging and fandom-pimping: My new fandoms are seriously lacking in the fanfic department. Read the Nightrunner series and watch Yakitate Japan and write fanfic!

'Til next time!

-Kloudy Reignfall


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